Public appearences v. The truth

     I'm pretty much the last of my friends to have a baby. I remember meeting up with my mum-friends and seeing how neat their hair and make-up would be and how energised they were, and thinking that they made motherhood look so easy. Then I became a Mum and at first, I thought, how did they do it?! I barely found time to brush my teeth most mornings. Some days I didn't even change my pants. Pretty grim, I know. But that was my reality.

     Here I was, with a lovely little girl, whom I bath every night and change her clothes, brush her soft, fine hair, clip her nails, and oh my days is she a beauty. Then there was me: yellow teeth, pits that smell like onions, hair that resembles a birds nest, living in the same pyjamas day after day and most days, starving. Thank god my Mum came to stay with me in the first few weeks because I don't even dare to think what my house would have been like. Finding time to be a human and be a Mum at the same time is incredibly difficult to balance in the beginning. People will tell you that it's hard, but they don't tell you how it is hard. I honestly couldn't figure out how my friends kept it together. Then I realised something. They didn't.

     When I step out of the house to go somewhere or visit someone, I hide the truth: that I am now a complete and utter disaster of a person. If you see me at your door with make-up on, you want to be grateful. I showered for you. When you see me with my hair straightened, you need to thank my daughter. I let her cry an extra 10 minutes while I gave myself some attention. When you see me looking smart, you should be impressed. I actually managed to use the washing machine this week. Pre-motherhood, I was one of the most organised persons I know. I always looked together, I never ran late or missed an appointment and I definitely always ate. Now that all my time is given to Harlow, I had given up on being Holly. And I know I'm not the only one.

     I may be a single parent but I have the most amazing Mum and helpful friends, so I'm not alone, but how in the fuck I am as disorganised as I am is beyond me. I mean, Harlow is one tiny, little, mini human, yet I can never get my shit together. Right now, there is an open nappy sac with a dirty nappy inside on my living room floor, which I abandoned next to the change mat, which is opposite a nearly empty bottle of breastmilk, which I will admit has been there for at least 4 hours and I'm pretty sure that the bib that is under my leg on the sofa smells like sick. And that's just my living room...

     Three months in though, I'm glad to say the hygiene is improving. I'm leaving the house more often than not and my hair brush has never seen so much action. I'm still having the odd 'slob' day but you know what, who cares? I certainly don't. So my house isn't perfect 24/7. So my letters haven't been opened in a few days. So my fridge is a little bare and I've been living off noodles and chocolate. As long as my lady is healthy and happy, I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing and the rest will fall into place, eventually.

     So to all the Mums that are looking glamorous today,  well done for finding the time to hide the truth. Crack open a can of cider (or a bottle of prosecco if you're feeling fancy) and lets toast to all the exhausted, stinky, and disorganised Mums, who found the motivation to be human enough to make a good public appearance. Here, here!